Thursday, March 17, 2011

Void

I think I am void of emotions sometimes. As I read the replies from Facebook on the announcement of my pregnancy there are so many people that have cried over finding out the news. For me though, I did not cry and still to this day have not cried. It reminds me of all those times I heard Brinley's heartbeat and saw her on the ultrasounds and had no real reaction. I didn't cry or really feel anything other than, yep it's a baby. I feel like I should be overjoyed and balling my eyes out but nothing....

I guess I just don't want to let myself feel too much because I will just be hurt that much more if it goes wrong.

As for the pregnancy, other than taking another pregnancy test on Sunday night I don't have any confirmation that there is a baby in there. I haven't had any morning sickness or sore boobs or any of the early pregnancy signs. I do keep having a sharp pain on the left side but then it goes away. That has concerned me but I'm sure it is nothing to worry about since it goes away. I have another week and a half before I get to see the doctor and it is driving me crazy. I want to call them and say "Hey, don't you know I lost my baby last time and that I am worried like hell this time! Don't you think you should get me in there yesterday to see someone?!" They probably would if I did call them but I'm sure everything is fine and it isn't going to kill me to wait. Not to mention I am probably still to early to hear a heartbeat or see anything on the ultrasound anyway so I am waiting.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

3 comments:

Annette said...

I have barely had symptoms either- a little nausea here and there but that's it. Boobs only started being sore today, and only the nipples. SO different from last time!

amanda said...

Heatther, you by far, are not emotionless. You cant help but to feel like that. I have never been thru what you have, but very close. I went thru 2 miscarriages before my little Lana was born and each time I got pregnant, I wasnt the slightest bit excited until there was confirmation that she was really there. It is very hard and you know God wouldnt put you thru anything you couldnt handle! Know that and trust in him that this time will be right! I love ya girl and am here if you need someone to talk to. 4673232

amanda said...

Both miscarriages at exactly 13 weeks