1st doctor appointment

Yesterday was my first doctor appointment for little my little rainbow. I waited 3 long weeks to go and confirm that yes I am indeed pregnant again. I was nervous to be back in this place again. I was nervous of how many pregnant women would be in the waiting room. I was nervous of the questions I would be asked regarding Brinley. I was nervous that maybe I wasn't really pregnant.

My appointment was at 1:15pm and luckily when I arrived there were only two other people in the waiting room. My husband was able to go with me which calmed my nerves. I was called back shortly after signing in. My husband was placed into room 16 as I was taken back to get my vitals and to be questioned. 

Weight 202 

BP 160/20 

Questions.... The nurse asking me questions was very nice and mentioned that she helped shape the bereavement program at the hospital I had Brinley. She asked what I thought of the services I received over there and I told her that I was happy with them. She mentioned that they had tried a group but after about 3 years there was no attendance so they stopped. I always wondered why there wasn't a group around here so I guess now I know why. According to her my due date should be Oct 16, 2011 based on the first day of my last period of Jan 9, 2011

When I was done with her I went to the room and waited for the doctor. I was meeting with the new midwife. She was a very nice lady and happily answered our questions. She told me that since I didn't have any issues till the end last time that once the baby reached viability (30 weeks) they would have me come in and do a non-stress test every week or so. 

After she felt my uterus she said that I felt like I was 11 weeks along. I told her that I REALLY didn't think I was that far along considering I had taken a couple of pregnancy tests that were negative one on Feb 11 and the other on Feb 23. On Feb 23 I would have been 6 weeks pregnant and should have got a positive test. Another two weeks later on March 8th is when I got my first positive test so according to my calculations I am 7 weeks pregnant this week and my due date should be Nov 13, 2011. Since I was sure that I wasn't that far along she wants me to come back for an ultrasound next week on April 5th. 

After that my follow up appointment is scheduled for April 25, 2011. I have my trip for Talladega planned for the week before and plan to go and have a good time. Hopefully everything will go well with the trip. I am very excited to be going again.

Void

I think I am void of emotions sometimes. As I read the replies from Facebook on the announcement of my pregnancy there are so many people that have cried over finding out the news. For me though, I did not cry and still to this day have not cried. It reminds me of all those times I heard Brinley's heartbeat and saw her on the ultrasounds and had no real reaction. I didn't cry or really feel anything other than, yep it's a baby. I feel like I should be overjoyed and balling my eyes out but nothing....

I guess I just don't want to let myself feel too much because I will just be hurt that much more if it goes wrong.

As for the pregnancy, other than taking another pregnancy test on Sunday night I don't have any confirmation that there is a baby in there. I haven't had any morning sickness or sore boobs or any of the early pregnancy signs. I do keep having a sharp pain on the left side but then it goes away. That has concerned me but I'm sure it is nothing to worry about since it goes away. I have another week and a half before I get to see the doctor and it is driving me crazy. I want to call them and say "Hey, don't you know I lost my baby last time and that I am worried like hell this time! Don't you think you should get me in there yesterday to see someone?!" They probably would if I did call them but I'm sure everything is fine and it isn't going to kill me to wait. Not to mention I am probably still to early to hear a heartbeat or see anything on the ultrasound anyway so I am waiting.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Shhh!

Since there are only 3 of you following this blog I figured it was safe to post here.

So yesterday I was on cycle day 60 where my other cycles had been 40 days or less and I didn't feel like I would be starting my period anytime soon so I decided to get a pregnancy test after class to take when I got home. I was trying to wait until I defiantly had pregnancy symptoms because it costs money to keep taking tests that are negative not to mention the disappointment every month it comes back negative. It is so hard to keep waiting when you are trying to get pregnant. You want to know the moment you finish "trying".

Well guess what, I know now!

Congratulations! Your baby is due on or around:

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Right now you're about 4 weeks pregnant and your baby is the size of a poppy seed.

(If my calculations are correct)

That's right folks we are expecting number 2! I'm so excited it is hard to not tell everyone I see but I want to try and wait until after my doctor appointment on March 28th. So do your best to keep this a secret but if you can't I understand it is hard for me to. 

Negative

Despite all our efforts this past month we still are not pregnant. It is 4 months now that we have been "trying" but my cycles still are not regular so it makes it hard to know when to "try". The average cycle is 28 days and right now I am on cycle day 47 with no signs of my period starting soon. I took a PG test yesterday and it was negative. I wish my body would figure out what it is supposed to be doing and do it! Anyway just wanted to post a little update. No baby yet but we are keeping our fingers crossed for a blessing soon. 

Having to wait

Well I decided to take the test from the last post. It was negative. I then started my period on the following Monday. It took a whole 41 days for my second cycle to end. How am I supposed to be able to know when it is time to baby dance if my cycles are so crazy? So I am waiting for this period to end so we can go for another shot at it this month. Wish me luck.

Do I take the test?

A year ago today I found out I was pregnant you can read about that here. So my question now is do I take the pregnancy test again today? I am not sure if my periods are back on schedule or not. According to the app I have on my phone I should have started my period yesterday and I haven't started it yet. From cycle 1 to cycle 2 it was 33 days so I am on cycle day 35 right now....

I think I am going to take the test before I go to bed. I have one left. I really don't think I am pregnant but maybe I'm trying not to get my hopes up. My friend wants me to wait till next year to try so I can be pregnant with her because she is planning on trying then for her 3rd child. If I am pregnant now and everything goes well I could have a baby and be ready to get pregnant again next year with her. That would be fun to be pregnant with someone. I had several of my friends that were pregnant with me this past year but they have all decided that they were done after this child. It was fun but it also sucks now because I get to watch their kids grow up and know that Brinley should have been right there with them.

December is here

So I got the thermometer today. A new month is upon us so it is time to try again. I will be greatly disappointed if I don't get pregnant this month. Firstly because I the Chinese calendar says I should have a girl if I get pregnant this month. I mean I have all this girl stuff to use. Also because he/she would be due about September and I want to have a September baby. Of course I would be happy with whatever happens as long as I have a healthy baby at the end.

I am trying to relax more and not dwell on getting pregnant. God give me the strength, courage, and calmness I need to make it through another pregnancy.