Negative

Despite all our efforts this past month we still are not pregnant. It is 4 months now that we have been "trying" but my cycles still are not regular so it makes it hard to know when to "try". The average cycle is 28 days and right now I am on cycle day 47 with no signs of my period starting soon. I took a PG test yesterday and it was negative. I wish my body would figure out what it is supposed to be doing and do it! Anyway just wanted to post a little update. No baby yet but we are keeping our fingers crossed for a blessing soon. 

Having to wait

Well I decided to take the test from the last post. It was negative. I then started my period on the following Monday. It took a whole 41 days for my second cycle to end. How am I supposed to be able to know when it is time to baby dance if my cycles are so crazy? So I am waiting for this period to end so we can go for another shot at it this month. Wish me luck.

Do I take the test?

A year ago today I found out I was pregnant you can read about that here. So my question now is do I take the pregnancy test again today? I am not sure if my periods are back on schedule or not. According to the app I have on my phone I should have started my period yesterday and I haven't started it yet. From cycle 1 to cycle 2 it was 33 days so I am on cycle day 35 right now....

I think I am going to take the test before I go to bed. I have one left. I really don't think I am pregnant but maybe I'm trying not to get my hopes up. My friend wants me to wait till next year to try so I can be pregnant with her because she is planning on trying then for her 3rd child. If I am pregnant now and everything goes well I could have a baby and be ready to get pregnant again next year with her. That would be fun to be pregnant with someone. I had several of my friends that were pregnant with me this past year but they have all decided that they were done after this child. It was fun but it also sucks now because I get to watch their kids grow up and know that Brinley should have been right there with them.

December is here

So I got the thermometer today. A new month is upon us so it is time to try again. I will be greatly disappointed if I don't get pregnant this month. Firstly because I the Chinese calendar says I should have a girl if I get pregnant this month. I mean I have all this girl stuff to use. Also because he/she would be due about September and I want to have a September baby. Of course I would be happy with whatever happens as long as I have a healthy baby at the end.

I am trying to relax more and not dwell on getting pregnant. God give me the strength, courage, and calmness I need to make it through another pregnancy.

BBT Thermometer

I love how life just takes care of itself. So last night I was looking at Fertility Friend and decided I needed to purchase a fertility thermometer so I can track when I am ovulating. I looked them up online and they run about $10 - $15. I hated thinking about spending the money since my husband just lost his job so we don't have any money coming in from him currently. Hopefully this will change soon.

So today at work I am helping someone who is currently pregnant and she said it took her a year and a half to get pregnant. She told me she was even charting her temperature before getting pregnant and then offered to let me use her thermometer. How awesome is that? I love little miracles!

For my next baby...

Let me start with saying no I am not pregnant again. I am however starting to try to conceive my next baby. In November we officially started to get pregnant. Now let me warn you that with this blog I will probably make references to my girly bodily functions as well as all the emotional crap I'm going to have to deal with.

I felt it neccesary to start a new blog for my next child. I would like for each to have their own "journal" about the journey I had while pregnant with them. I had created one for Brinley which can be read HERE. Even though she will never get to read that blog I enjoyed sharing her pregnancy with my family and friends and had hoped to have a momento for her when she was older. So with that I continue.....

With no luck for the month of November since I have currently started my second period since giving birth to Brinley we will try again this month. The scary thing is if I get pregnant this month I will be pregnant during the same time of year I was with Brinley. So I'm sure a lot of it will feel very Déjà vu-ish for me. I would also run the chance of having this baby on the same day as Brinley. Wouldn't that be something?

As for how I came up with the title...the next baby would be considered my Rainbow baby, definition below.

Rainbow babies: In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as "Rainbow Babies." The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

So I started doing a search for the term rainbow and found a poem. The poem is about the Kingfisher bird but I think it fits with my situation perfectly and I love it.

The Kingfisher by William Henry Davies

It was the Rainbow gave thee birth,
And left thee all her lovely hues;
And, as her mother’s name was Tears,
So runs it in my blood to choose
For haunts the lonely pools, and keep
In company with trees that weep.
Go you and, with such glorious hues,
Live with proud peacocks in green parks;
On lawns as smooth as shining glass,
Let every feather show its marks;
Get thee on boughs and clap thy wings
Before the windows of proud kings.
Nay, lovely Bird, thou art not vain;
Thou hast no proud, ambitious mind;
I also love a quiet place
That’s green, away from all mankind;
A lonely pool, and let a tree
Sigh with her bosom over me.

Welcome to my rainbow baby blog!